Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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