My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
