GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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