capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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