So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
