Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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