I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
