I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
