she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
