Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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