I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
