Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
