I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
