onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
