He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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