I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
