i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
