obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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