i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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