I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
