My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
