I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to sanitize my soul.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
