have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
