he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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