...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize