I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
