You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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