I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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