sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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