when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
