Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
