so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
