9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
