I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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