Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
