I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
