YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
