Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
