We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
