Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i drank out of a bidet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
