she looked like the before picture.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
