Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
