i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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