I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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