Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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