Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
