There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
