it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
