"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
