My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
