THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
