My friends, they love my intelligence
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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