Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this will be a night to untag.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
