I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
