I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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