I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize