Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
