Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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