i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
