My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
