Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
