Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
