saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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