i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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