Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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