Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My bed smells like the plague
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
