hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize