just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
