Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the day after is always just damage control
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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