I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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