If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
