This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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