I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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