I love black thongs
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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