Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
