Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
