Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
