South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize