I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
