i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
