I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
whose parrot is this?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
