im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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